and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Randomize
