i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
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