You're a womanizer and a bitch.
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
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