I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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