There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
