that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
