just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
