Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
