Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
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