are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
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