I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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