I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
