conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
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