I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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