the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Randomize
