Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
