"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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