yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Randomize
