Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
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