1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
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