Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
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