Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Randomize
