Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
