I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Randomize
