We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
