Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
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