I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
