You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize