We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
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