do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Randomize
