if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
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