I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
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