We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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