just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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