Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Randomize
