smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
my being single is dangerous.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
