I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
