he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
