So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize
