Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
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