Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize