Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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