If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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