i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
All I want is dick and wine.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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