I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
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