drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Randomize
