im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Randomize
