I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
