Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Randomize
