I just made out with a guy for $7.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
