Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
