I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
