toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Randomize