on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
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