Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
