How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
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