come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
