I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
