two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
So much rum. So many feels.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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