sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
