let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize