the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
