dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
