**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
