my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Randomize