i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize