apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Randomize
