I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Dicks are not precious.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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