Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
