I hate all girls vehemently.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
zippers are such a cool invention
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Randomize
