Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
He shit in the fireplace
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
