i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
