ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Randomize
