theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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